STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
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Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
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My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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