I think my fart just growled at me.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
