dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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