I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
