i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
