If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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