you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You pole danced in your parka.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
