his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
