Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
