sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
