i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Randomize
