isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Randomize
