I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Did I show you my penis last night?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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