You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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