Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
