I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
