shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
