I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
