She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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