1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize