Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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