I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
