Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
