i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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