i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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