How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
