ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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