there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
