the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
