I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
