Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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