I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
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You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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