I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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