Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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