Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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