The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
