and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
a search helicopter?!
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
