lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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