the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
