I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
