yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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