What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
