drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Boobs speak an international language.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize