Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
