you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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