still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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