i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
