...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My ass is underappreciated
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
