Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
