My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Randomize
