you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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