I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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