Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
