Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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