careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
