i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
