I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
